Defining My Why
Blog written by: Nick Billock
Since attending the Team RWB Eagle Leader Academy in Detroit a few months ago, I have been processing, thinking, and trying to define my “why.” Why do I volunteer with Team RWB? Why do I CrossFit religiously in my garage gym nearly every day? Why did I sign up with Team Rubicon TODAY? Why even bother with so many external things that I don’t have to do and why not just focus on myself? All valid questions.
Allow me to get the CrossFit thing out of the way first: unlike running, CrossFit has the uncanny ability to humble me into a puddle of sweat quite often and without warning. Heck, I think it chuckles at me when I look at a workout and think: “oh, that doesn’t look too bad” and then I get crushed. CrossFit is a routine of mine that pushes me. It’s not the community of CrossFit, mind you. I’m alone in my garage. It’s the difficult and very challenging workouts and since I don’t know anything other than giving all I have, it is brutal and challenges me daily…and I love that. If it were easy, then I’d be done with it. The fringe benefits are: 1) best physical condition of my life and 2) more time with my wife than ever before…running robbed that of me for nearly 20 years. OK…so now that CrossFit is out of the way, let’s move on to my “why.”
Today, we participated in the national Run as One event with Team RWB. Afterwards, about 10 of us enjoyed some java at Starbucks where some shared why they volunteer with the organization. I didn’t speak up but the wheels were turning as they have been since February. On the way home, I think I finally framed it up and told my wife my “why.” Let me put it into words…finally.
I have always considered myself selfless and giving. I was raised in a Christian home, joined the Navy at the ripe age of 18, got married at 19 and now as I approach my 44 year point in the very near future, I still consider myself to be pretty selfless and giving…to a certain extent, of course. Through the end of 2011 and 19 years of marriage, I felt pretty good about where I got in life, my home life, accomplishments, etc. Then, through a series of circumstances and humility, my entire focus changed. Intangible vs. tangible. Qualitative vs. quantitative. Relationships vs. accomplishments. Obituary vs. my legacy. Yea, I pondered that last one. Who would show up at my funeral and what would they say? Who would give my eulogy and what is it that I would be remembered for? Would it be for my service to my country? My 60+ marathon/ultra-marathon finishes? How I loved my family? My kids? My wife? Or, would I be remembered as a narcissistic, arrogant, angry man? Or person, for that matter. This inward analysis isn’t one of chest-thumping but more a gut check of this question:
As someone who is very Type A, needs a schedule, is a perfectionist at heart, and wears his heart on his sleeve, you’ll find the following ironic: I LOVE the unknown of what new and unknown relationships will bring into my life via volunteerism. With Team Red, White and Blue, I meet someone new at almost every new event I plan or attend. To refresh you…Team RWB’s mission is to enrich the lives of veterans through social and physical activities. That “enriching” has many forms and often, it can be as simple as listening or putting muscle into action to physically DO something. Couple volunteerism with doing it with my wife and hopefully my kids at some point and not only am I helping to enrich the lives of those to my left and right but those under the roof in which I live. My “why?” That’s it. It’s been said that no one ever sees a hearse pulling a U-Haul trailer behind it. Things are just that…things. Experiences, though, and the interactions we have with others can not only help others but set off a ripple effect that does way more good than we’ll ever know. So when I think about what kind of legacy do I want to leave, it’s one that most won’t be able to just describe in a sentence or a paragraph. I want it to be felt in their gut, in their heart, and I want my wife and kids to feel the same thing in their own way.
Hands and Feet: I mentioned before that I was raised in a Christian home. My faith isn’t something I brag about, plaster across billboards or my social media timeline, nor bring up in casual conversation. I truly want people to see something different about me and if that makes them curious and perhaps even ask a probing question about my faith, then so be it. When I think about volunteerism and more specifically relationship building and enriching the lives of others around me, I so often come back to the idea of being the “hands and feet” of “something.” As a Christ-follower, I do believe that while we’re here on earth, we ARE to be the hands and feet of Christ. Serve and love others, disciple them and be His representation while here. I believe it with all my heart. What’s super cool about serving others is that no matter what label you slap on it, serving is ultimately selfless and can fit so many molds. I heard it today around the table at Run as One as friends talked about why they were there! In my gut, I want to make an impact. Sure, it feels good but it’s just as spiritual or perhaps even more so. Everyone has their own reason why or why they don’t serve others. It often “looks” the same on the outside but understanding the “why” on the inside can really help fuel forward movement and become even more enriching both on the receiving end and personally.
We were out on the 5 mile Run as One course this morning in the beautiful Cuyahoga Valley National Park and I looked to my bride and said “you know…we Run as One.” She asked, because we were alone at the back of the back where the others had already finished ahead of us, “should we be with the rest of the group?” You see…we were wearing our 20 and 30lb rucks today for the run and we opted for the 5mi vs. the 3mi course so we were lagging behind. I replied: “No, Babe…WE…we run as ONE. We are one.” That’s what it’s all about. It’s not about us. It’s not about you. It’s about the “we” and how we can serve one another but that always starts with the one you took a vow to (if you have). Love hard, serve others, and give life everything you’ve got without regret…but know your “why.”
Read more by Nick Billock on his personal blog.